15.5

For those wondering where I've been and why I've been so inactive lately.

15 weeks 5 days. I'm still coming to terms with the fact that I'm growing a tiny creature, and not just getting fat. None of it still seems real to me, like this is all still make believe, even after listening to the heartbeat with my girlfriend Kat yesterday. I'm still not happy about it, but I'm not as upset as I once was. I'm adjusting to the fact that pregnancy is a good thing, after being forced to be ashamed and feeling unloved, unwanted, and like a burden the last two times I was pregnant. Made to hide my pregnancies. I've never done photos when I was pregnant, because it was a shameful fact to him that I was pregnant with his kid. But here I am, pregnant with his kid and no longer with him, trying really hard to understand that your partner should want to, and does, put her hand over the baby when you're sleeping, talks to the baby and tells it she loves it, does things for me when I'm not feeling well, and is more than excited enough for the two of us for it to get here. Feeling the love from someone else while carrying a child is scarier to me than the actual pregnancy and birth because I've never felt the joy from someone else that I was having a child. But, I'm extremely glad that I'm not alone this time, likely my last time, having a baby.

January 12, 2015

This photograph is not allowed to be reproduced or used by anyone without my written permission.  If used, you must link back to this page and make sure I am properly credited.  After all, this is my work, not yours.

© Chelsie Sosebee
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